I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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