Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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