this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
