I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
