The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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