i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a beard to bite.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
