the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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