Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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