Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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