before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to align my fucking chakras
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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