I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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