Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
