If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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