Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Randomize
