I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Even my vagina gasped.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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