Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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