OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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