Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
