I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are a genius and a whore.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
