I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
