so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
