Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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