Apparently you make a good broom.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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