Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
