This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
