I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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