so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
