Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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