I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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