I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
