woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
