My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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