when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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