I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
