Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
