i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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