I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I puked a lego.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it's like iHOP with fire
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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