I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
