Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Too much gin, very little bucket
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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