Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
