new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
