so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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