You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
