Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
did i just pee glitter
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
