You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
