Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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