just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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