I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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