i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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