I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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