Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
