I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
