wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
