Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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