Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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