I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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