dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Redeem this text for a blowjob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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