Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
