if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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