At least make sure they are 18
Why
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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