so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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