after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
