Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
