Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
