Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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