Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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