one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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