batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
