So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
