remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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