Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
