He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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