My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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