Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
