Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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