Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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