It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
