Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
