she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
