Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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