my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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