She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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