It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
