guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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