and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
