i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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