You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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