Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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