Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so let's talk penis.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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