ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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